As a couple start to form a relationship, they can be seen to develop a set of constructs about their own relationship and, in particular, how it is similar or different to their parents’ relationship. The couple’s initial disclosures involve them forming constructs about how much similarity there is between them and each other’s families. What each of them will remember is selective and (a) coloured by their family’s constructs system. In turn it is likely that as they tell each other their already edited stories, there is a second process of editing whereby what they both hear from each other is again (b) interpreted within their respective family of origin’s construct systems. The two sets of memories ― the person talking about his or her family and the partner’s edited version of this story ― go into the ‘cooking-pot’ of the couple’s new construct system. Subsequently, one partner may (c) randomly recall a part of the other’s story as a tactic in negotiations: for example, Harry may say to Doris that she is being ‘bossy ― just like her mother’. Since this is probably based on what Doris has told Harry, this is likely to be a very powerful tactic. She may protest or attempt to rewrite this version of her story, thereby possibly adding further material that Harry could use in this way. These exchanges of stories need not always be (d) employed in such malevolent ways. These reconstructed memories can become very powerful, to a point where each partner may become confused even about the simple (e) factual details of what actually did happen in their past.
* malevolent: 악의 있는